Sarcasm is just one more service we offer

Now I understand that the art of sarcasm and wit does not come easy for some of you, so I found some choice ones that you can memorise and pull out of your hat like a brilliant magician of conversation, making you look witty and clever. I have many of these that I like to use on the odd occasion when the need arises ... and we all know someone we can use it on - you know the ones ... they're usually wearing a sign or have it stamped on their foreheads. Some may find some of these offensive. We'll have a moment of silence for you later. For those of you brave enough to throw one or two of these into a conversation, make sure you've got your timing right or you're going to look like a total tit.

Enjoy...

• Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
  
• I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. - Stephen Bishop
  
• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
  
• The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw
  
• He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
  
• If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? - Charles Pierce
  
• You have delighted us long enough - Jane Austen
• A modest little person, with much to be modest about. - Winston Churchill
• He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - Irvin S. Cobb
• He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - Forrest Tucker
• He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder
  

More to follow soon ..........