Cruella De Vil: Part 1

It was a dark, cold and quiet morning. I had to wake up early, so I had set my alarm to go off at 5am. The first annoying buzzing sound from my cell phone alarm went off at 5am - I promptly snoozed it ... twice ... and snuggled deeper within my warm feather duvet.

I must have switched it off instead of snoozing it because when I finally surfaced from under my duvet, clutching my cell phone in my right hand, I noticed that it was just after 6am! Great! I was running late ... again! I woke up my ever present klingon (aka Raechel) and put a warm top on her so that we could go fetch Anthea (our cleaning goddess) in Macassar. I'm not at my finest at that hour of the morning and have the tendency to look a bit like Medusa having a bad hair day. Yet I do not scare my klingons who are now used to it. Anthea also does not scare easily as she has known me since I was about 14 years old ... nothing can scare her anymore thanks to me.

Anyway, Raechel and I fetched Anthea and we started our short, and generally uneventful, drive back home.

The road twisted up the hill between the farmlands, total darkness surrounded us. All of a sudden, Bambi bounded out from the left, bent on denting my bumper! I was so surprised to see Bambi in that neck of the woods as I hit on brakes - and no, I wasn't speeding! Yes, I know it was Bambi because if someone had a dog like that they'd be on TV by now. Now I say again ... it was dark ... you never know who's out there (how's that for paranoia and too many horror movies!) and I was already running a good 30-40 minutes behind schedule, so Ms De Vil here didn't slow down or stop to see if Bambi was still breathing. I got home and inspected my car....

The bumper was cracked and some of Bambi's fur was jutting out of it from an odd angle making my car look like it had been taking Bob Martins instead of Unleaded. There was a smear of mud (... MUD not blood! ...) on the front passenger door and something that looked suspiciously like crap. Poor Bambi must have shat himself on impact. My front vent thingy which usually sits so snuggly in the position it was originally placed in, was now dangling at a very precarious angle. I promptly removed it and tossed it in my boot.

Needless to say, the day was almost a total waste of make-up, but I got through it. Driving up the same road later that evening on my way home from work, I kept a steady eye out for anything furry lying on the side of the road. There was no Bambi to be seen. I'm thinking either it was just a flesh wound and he managed to limp back to his pozzy, or he became someones dinner. It would be a darn expensive dinner to say the least! Not for the family dining on venison, but for me! Ms De Vil! Who's insurance policy is still so new they're upping her damn excess payment by R1000! Karma is such a bitch!

I took the car in to be assessed by the insurance company. They inspected the whole car and told me the bumper will have to be replaced and they'll need to fix the door too ... why? Well it seems that Bambi was not trying to buff the door with his ass ... no he was denting it. So he left a dent and crapped all over my door ... which now has to be fixed and resprayed. Oh the joys! I can just feel how light my wallet is getting as time ticks by. The bank is going to repossess my debit card!

Oh well ... so the saga will continue and I shall keep you posted....

Yours faithfully,
Cruella de Vil