My journey (for those of you who don't know already) is something that has been blogged about on this site for some time - feel free to do some catch up and go read about it if you want to. I'm not going to recap on everything now. Needless to say, it has been an incredible journey of self-discovery and growth. I've learnt so much and continue to do so each day. I have an amazing man in my life who I love and adore and who literally treats me like a queen. A great job. A roof over my head, food on the table, a sexy beast of a vehicle and three gorgeous children who I adore. There is almost nothing I could add to my life right now to make it better.
One of my favorite quotations whilst on this journey has to be by the author Anias Nin:
"Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom."
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom."
I love that quote ... it says so much of how I was feeling when I made some life altering decisions for myself. Decisions that would affect everyone around me. Decisions that would take people out of my life. Decisions that would ultimately cut me off from a life I had been leading. Yet it would be a decision that would make me spread my wings.
How liberating. The freedom that comes with a decision that more often than not 90% of people around you would see as sheer madness. Yet, you go ahead anyway. Because in your heart of hearts, in that place where you keep all your deepest and perhaps darkest secrets - the place you tend to hide the real you ... or the parts of yourself no-one wants to see because it might "offend" by not fitting the mold. In that place deep inside your heart and soul, you know its the right thing to do. And not just for you, but for everyone else involved too.
Those decisions are never easy to make either. They force you out of your comfort zone at a speed that could leave you dizzy and nauseous. And they're not decisions that should be made during a fleeting or heated moment either. They require much thought and deliberation. Less emotional energy and more clear thinking. Often much planning needs to be made too ... "get your ducks in a row" as the old saying goes. Making a rushed decision has never ended well. Even risks need to be thought about well before being embarked on.
Having the courage to delve deeply into your own life, heart, soul ... where ever you AND the angels fear to tread ... having the courage to do that is a major accomplishment. It means not lying to yourself and being brutally honest about what you see in there. It means acknowledging your faults and weaknesses and having the courage and strength to change them by any means possible. Of course that means making some hard and conscious decisions that will often take you on a path that is very uncomfortable. But at the end of the day, its about where you want to end up. Your finish line. Your goal post. You decide what type of person you really want to be. You decide where you want to end up one day. You decide what legacy you want to leave behind.
And what is that decision going to be? "OMG I can't make that choice now because it will be too hard" .. ??? ... oh come on! That's not the right attitude to have. You always have a choice in everything you do. Either you're going to be strong, and yes, sometimes hard on yourself, and make the choice to be different. Or you're going to continue to be in the void that is your life. You are the master of your own destiny. The author of your own story. How do you want it to read? What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want your children to learn from you?
And yes, I've heard a lot of excuses from people who have spoken to me about similar big decisions. "Its easy to speak about it, but not so easy to do it Meegyn". No shit Sherlock. Go on and grow a pair ... I had to and I survived. And if I can do that, if I can make a very hard and difficult decision and carry it through, then so can you. You're the only one standing in your way.
It goes without saying that having a support structure around you is helpful. I had people in my life that I though were a support structure. They turned out to be a judgemental bunch of hypocrites. I did, however, have another group that consisted of great friends and family, who have been my strength and have stood up for me when no one else would. Friends who were not always in agreement with my decision, but stood by me anyway because they love me no matter what. Its nice to have real friends in my life. And although it was hard, I'm grateful that through this journey I have discovered who my true friends really are. (You guys know who you are ... and I thank you for all your love and support and want to tell you that without it I wouldn't have made it ... I love you all more than I could ever possibly put into words!)
I'm happy and content with where my life is at right now. I began a journey that I'm sure will not be over for a long time, but certain points of that journey have been passed. They're behind me now and I've driven on. And as with any journey, we focus on what we see before us ... the road ahead ... through the windscreen. Because if we constantly stare in the rear view mirror we'll end up missing a turn and most definitely crashing the vehicle. By all means, take a look in that rear view mirror ... just to make sure you've got nothing coming up behind you to bite you in the arse. But don't focus on that. Focus on your end goal. Focus on where you're going.
Remember too that you never have to travel alone ... there will always be a willing passenger that will keep you company or even help you drive when you're exhausted and can't anymore. Just make sure that person is someone you can trust behind your wheel and not some psycho axe murderer.
Life is hard. Decisions and choices are hard. You CAN do it though. Don't give up!
xxx
Me
How liberating. The freedom that comes with a decision that more often than not 90% of people around you would see as sheer madness. Yet, you go ahead anyway. Because in your heart of hearts, in that place where you keep all your deepest and perhaps darkest secrets - the place you tend to hide the real you ... or the parts of yourself no-one wants to see because it might "offend" by not fitting the mold. In that place deep inside your heart and soul, you know its the right thing to do. And not just for you, but for everyone else involved too.
Those decisions are never easy to make either. They force you out of your comfort zone at a speed that could leave you dizzy and nauseous. And they're not decisions that should be made during a fleeting or heated moment either. They require much thought and deliberation. Less emotional energy and more clear thinking. Often much planning needs to be made too ... "get your ducks in a row" as the old saying goes. Making a rushed decision has never ended well. Even risks need to be thought about well before being embarked on.
Having the courage to delve deeply into your own life, heart, soul ... where ever you AND the angels fear to tread ... having the courage to do that is a major accomplishment. It means not lying to yourself and being brutally honest about what you see in there. It means acknowledging your faults and weaknesses and having the courage and strength to change them by any means possible. Of course that means making some hard and conscious decisions that will often take you on a path that is very uncomfortable. But at the end of the day, its about where you want to end up. Your finish line. Your goal post. You decide what type of person you really want to be. You decide where you want to end up one day. You decide what legacy you want to leave behind.
And what is that decision going to be? "OMG I can't make that choice now because it will be too hard" .. ??? ... oh come on! That's not the right attitude to have. You always have a choice in everything you do. Either you're going to be strong, and yes, sometimes hard on yourself, and make the choice to be different. Or you're going to continue to be in the void that is your life. You are the master of your own destiny. The author of your own story. How do you want it to read? What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want your children to learn from you?
And yes, I've heard a lot of excuses from people who have spoken to me about similar big decisions. "Its easy to speak about it, but not so easy to do it Meegyn". No shit Sherlock. Go on and grow a pair ... I had to and I survived. And if I can do that, if I can make a very hard and difficult decision and carry it through, then so can you. You're the only one standing in your way.
It goes without saying that having a support structure around you is helpful. I had people in my life that I though were a support structure. They turned out to be a judgemental bunch of hypocrites. I did, however, have another group that consisted of great friends and family, who have been my strength and have stood up for me when no one else would. Friends who were not always in agreement with my decision, but stood by me anyway because they love me no matter what. Its nice to have real friends in my life. And although it was hard, I'm grateful that through this journey I have discovered who my true friends really are. (You guys know who you are ... and I thank you for all your love and support and want to tell you that without it I wouldn't have made it ... I love you all more than I could ever possibly put into words!)
I'm happy and content with where my life is at right now. I began a journey that I'm sure will not be over for a long time, but certain points of that journey have been passed. They're behind me now and I've driven on. And as with any journey, we focus on what we see before us ... the road ahead ... through the windscreen. Because if we constantly stare in the rear view mirror we'll end up missing a turn and most definitely crashing the vehicle. By all means, take a look in that rear view mirror ... just to make sure you've got nothing coming up behind you to bite you in the arse. But don't focus on that. Focus on your end goal. Focus on where you're going.
Remember too that you never have to travel alone ... there will always be a willing passenger that will keep you company or even help you drive when you're exhausted and can't anymore. Just make sure that person is someone you can trust behind your wheel and not some psycho axe murderer.
Life is hard. Decisions and choices are hard. You CAN do it though. Don't give up!
xxx
Me
1 comment:
So beautiful :)
And so encouraging, too. Thank you for sharing that, it makes it a helluva lot easier to face ones own decisions and tasks and what-not knowing that there are people facing the same thing.
And congrats too for coming as far as you have :)
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